[UK] bio attempt

Hi everyone, just wanted to see if something like this was good or what I would need to change to make something that is allowed. Sorry if it's long or boring its my first attempt to see what the reaction would be to it. (Any tips or advice would be welcome.)

Bio:
I had always harboured a morbid fascination with death and the occult. What began as curiosity became a more in-depth study. Eventually, I uncovered references to a ritual said to summon an unknown entity. I was never able to complete the ritual. During the preparation phase, Mobile Task Force Eta-77 ‘Spheres Within Spheres’ found me. I was detained without resistance and moved into Foundation care. Following standard procedure, I was administered amnestics to erase knowledge of the ritual.

When I awoke, my skill for pattern recognition and familiarity with the occult were deemed useful. They chose to use my abilities. I was given the choice of helping in the foundation endeavours or being terminated. I chose life and now assist in the research of occult threats. That's how I earned my codename ‘undertaker’ and also why you can spot me around doing a bunch of different jobs to further my goals again.

 

[Archangel]

You did good for an initial first try!

While i applaud and encourage your growth in writing and creativity, I'm afraid I have to give you some feedback but it will be proper feedback with stuff to learn from.

While ETA-77 is against anomalies of religious/theological origin, It would be more fitting if you used the MTFs Psi-9 "Abyss Gazers" and or Sampi-6 "Imaginary Numbers" which both deal with the Occult and Psi-9 notably consists of the GOC and the Foundation and have specific training, equipment and design to fight against the Occult, Including the Sarkics.

Lastly, Undertaker is a sort of misleading name since they deal with mortuary services putting someone or something to eternal rest in death.

Some more fitting names would be Acolyte, Apostle, Priest, Chaplain, Zealot

Those are some names but, again I encourage you to continue your journey and continue to do more.

 

[warzone]

So the entity i was trying to summon was death to make a deal for immortality, but I am unsure how to put that in RP and bio, and I must have misread the role of ETA-77. Thanks for letting me know a better one is there anything else you think I can improve?

 

[Archangel]

So the entity i was trying to summon was death to make a deal for immortality, but I am unsure how to put that in RP and bio, and I must have misread the role of ETA-77. Thanks for letting me know a better one is there anything else you think I can improve?

When writing about anomalies or whatever was the thing that was making the deal inexchange for immortality, Put yourself in your character's shoes and in the anomaly's shoes, Ask yourself these questions

"What would they want, or what would i want"

The anomaly would have something to gain, Perhaps your character's eternal servitude inexchange they become immortal and as such.. "Eternal" servitude.

9 times out of 10 the anomalies are all evil and they will want to do something evil against innocents and or your characters and they would want something but for some reason one way or another they cannot get it, There are alot of resources on the internet to help you write this sort of metaphor well, You can read up about it here in Wikipedia.