I've been playing on this server for like 2 years and a half and yet throughout this time I have achieved next to nothing. Three GM applications denied, two captain applications denied, staff application denied, SCP 096 application denied, executive researcher application denied. I guess you could say I reap what I sow but even after all of the time spent on this server, I feel nothing. I am uninterested in all of my actions and I feel now that they have all been for nothing, just mindless fucking around for the fun of it. I have wasted literal months worth of hours on this game and it has taken a serious toll on my mental health. I spent like 5 months just trying to get unbanned from the discord by network leadership so I even had a chance of getting any positions but I just got shut down instantly. Initially I planned to go ingame and waste all of my money and just do MRDM but that would acomplish absolutely nothing, so I'm gonna give my 300k to Johnson. I have nothing else to say to anybody in this community.
“There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."
“There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."
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