Right, now that there is around 5 people that are in disagreement to me being elevated to consultant I think it's time I just give a general explanation to what's different, what has happened since and a short explanation to why the whole FCOM thing happened.
Starting with chapter 1, what's different.
Since I've been back I've taken a whole step-back from expecting myself to "get" RP. I've started creating my own using /me and /it and I've stepped back from thinking it's alright to force myself into events that don't have things to do with my character. I've given up on roleplaying mean character as I simply don't know how to rp a dickhead character in a positive way, (more about this on the forums post replying to Yeke).
I've set a clean and shining boundary between IC and OOC, just because I was insulted and maybe even abused by a person IC does not mean they have an issue with me or are harassing me OOC. I now only rely on OOC for memes, talking about events, hanging out with fellas from the server and planning RP such as cross-trainings and tests.
I've realized what the FCOM situation a few months ago looked like from a 3rd person pov and am incredibly ashamed of it. And for the lack of a better word if I had the balls I would reach out to Serrt, Jacek and everyone involved with an apology.
Now to what has happened since,
I've gotten recognized as doctor of the month, I've created tutorials and suggestions to in my opinion benefit medical, I've created new IC documentation and protocols for example testing for allergies and have done licensing for new trainees with consultant oversight, i've managed our medicine stockpile and refilled it out of pocket or consultant funding a plethora of times and have selected medical as my main department that I'll be loyal to until as far as I have it in me.
And the explanation, pre-face: this in no way is a justification what I did was objectively wrong and trying to say "i didnt mean to" is just wrong. However I can say that back then I was mentally not very well on an OOC perspective, and I took it out on the server often which was objectively a dick move. I've since gotten quite better (thanks to an SSL) and I've learned that no matter what position I reach if I struggle IRL it's best to step down or take an LoA instead of ruin other peoples experience. I can credit most of the FCOM harassment to inexperience and impatience, I wanted something like joinin A-1 and instead of being patient, I pm'd people OOC'ly and the results are... well, all of this.
So that's about it. I do extend a sincere apology to those that were bothered and harassed previously, I can say I had no bad intentions but I was foolish in doing it. I am not here to try and clear my name in a way, the things still happened and it was ultimately my fault. But I do hope that this time around I can be given an opportunity to show change, some have seen nothing but a good version of me, some think the bad never left. I want to take this step into Jr.CL4 and prove that change has come and I will work harder than ever to improve and see medical thrive.
Cheers,
J.
Game Master
