How did this happen, you may ask? Well, it started that morning. My plan was to build a checkpoint on lumber yard for roleplay. I first started by making two pillars by the side of the lumber yard bridge, as I thought that was a great spot for my checkpoint. The lighting, first of all was very fantastic. Better than anywhere else before on that bridge. I placed the entrance to my checkpoint on the south side of that bridge, though I do admit the placement on the map may not have been the best for the reason that it was close to the USSR base. USSR could technically come there and kidnap my troops, which I would not want to happen in during my checkpoint RP. The goal of my checkpoint was to have people enter from south of the bridge, get stopped at the entrance and then continue through the bridge. RMP would check the ID of the person inside the vehicle before letting them go. The blockades on the bridge prevented anyone from driving straight on. I knew it would work as I tested it myself several times; I drove full speed into the barriers and flew off the bridge with my truck, blummeting into the lake beneath. Now, many people may not like getting wet, but it was a rather brightening experience. This brings me to today when I was building another checkpoint on FA instead. I had asked UHC to make sure USSR would not try to kidnap me, as getting kidnapped while using phys guns is not very fun. Well, instead of using their brains, USSR all paradropped on top of me at the same time as NATO rushed over to my position. All the same, I was just relaxing while building my checkpoint. I was trying to position pillars in a square formation to make it pretty. Before I even got the first part done, an AG came up to me and shot me in the head. Well, that was a rather unfortunate situation. My brains were all across the ground and the pillar I had made. Eventually God came to my aid and punished this murderous AG. God also brought me back to my pillar so I could continue building it happily. After that, however, war was way too close for me to continue building. So, due to the mishaps of this AG, I was not able to continue my building. This upsetted me greatly, as I looked forward to building that checkpoint for RMP to roleplay on.
Regarding the wheelchair, despite being a negative experience in my life, it's a part of who I am, and I honestly am not sure how my life would change if I could suddenly walk - a lot of my lifestyle choices are because of the chair. Some negative, yes - connected with how I use transportation and where I can and can't go (visiting friends who live in older apartment buildings is a pain in the ass) - but also some positive, for instance, my ability to carry lots of cargo if I must, or to go a significant distance. To not worry about finding a chair (or being stuck in an uncomfortable one) when I get where I'm going, because I brought my own. Like all things, being a wheelchair user is neither wholly positive nor wholly negative, although our society tends to get caught up on the negative parts. My mother has been instrumental in helping me get a positive outlook on life and to pursue my dreams. My muscle keep deteriorating even today, it will keep deteriorating. I am slowly losing my upper body mobility too. Now, I don't bother about disability anymore. My wheelchair is no more a sign of my weakness, it is my vehicle to innumerable opportunities that lies ahead. The fact that I live in the snowy parts of northern Europe, makes my list of hurdles quite long. First and foremost issue is lack of wheelchair access in most parts of the country. You either have to accept your fate and stay back at home or try and make your own way through two meters of snow (most of the time). Pragmatically speaking, it is your financial status that usually decides the quality of your life on a wheelchair. While this is true for any human, it becomes a greater truth if you are disabled. For example I have never been able to afford a good motorized wheelchair, in spite of the fact I would be considered well off by general standards. Despite all this, I am in constant pain due to what the truck did to me. I am planning to bring action against Brian and make him pay for all the damages he has caused to me and my life.
Brian is also quite often commenting about kitchen and sandwiches to me. Now, one thing to know about me is the fact that I DO NOT BELONG IN THE KITCHEN. I am AN AWFUL COOK, and thus AN AWFUL WOMAN. I can barely feed myself, and I have lived on my own for nearly three years now. My diet consists of noodles, microwave food and selfmade pancakes. Only good thing I can cook are those pancakes. Big issue with my diet is the fact that I do not even have a kitchen, it is a one room apartment. Costs roughly 240 euros a month, cheapest money can buy here. Well, the apartment is shit, truth to be told. It is cold as hell in winter, and extremely hot in the summer. There is no AC, and the radiator barely works. Is it worth it? I mean, I do not pay water, wifi or electricity bills. I suppose I get what I pay for. Another issue is the fact that there is no kitchen, which as mentioined before, affects my cooking. I can only cook limited things, though I have a portable stove and mini oven shoved in here. People can often hear me cooking when I am doing things, as my "kitchen" is right behind me. Cooking actually stresses me out. But why is cooking stressful for some people? They believe the myth that some people are born as great cooks and the second myth that recipes always work. Imagine the stress for a perfectionist accountant who believes numbers are always accurate. He reads the recipe. He carefully measures every item. He follows the directions to perfection. The dinner rolls bake into hard bricks in the oven. He believes he is a worthless cook, because the recipe has hundreds of rave reviews. He forgets to consider his oven could be off by 25 to 50 degrees. He neglects the fact that yeast can die in the store. He ignores humidity and barometric pressure. Those are not relevant because it is not listed in the recipe. He forgets that when he first entered the workplace he made accounting mistakes. Those years in school included imperfect understanding and failed questions. He forgets all the times that he sits in the office trying to understand those little notations on a receipt that determine whether this is an expense, an asset, or a liability. He lacks the experience to adjust the recipe and to laugh when a recipe fails due to bad ingredients or improper understanding. He feels stressed and it starts to color all of his future cooking efforts. I have seen many cooking students who were in that spiral. When they begin learning new habits and playing with their recipes they come alive with possibilities and the stress fades away.
Stress is just the byproduct of not knowing.
Now one worry I have about Brian is the fact that he may be a simp. He spends time with me rather often and is DMing me inappropriate things on Discord. But before I continue, let me just explain the meaning of simping. The word “simp” isn’t new. In fact, it’s pretty old. But it has been dragged into fresh popularity. In the same way that older songs can find new audiences on TikTok, older slang emerges on the app to be championed by a broader, younger audience. Too Short, the bawdy West Coast rapper who used the word in lyrics as early as 1985, said that he was not surprised that the word is more popular than ever. Simp’s new status as a prime insult — a misogynist one, that implies a person is “unmanly” — has lasted most of a year. Mel Magazine, an online journal quick to note new cultural trends, deeply dissected the resurgence in October. The “New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English,” defines it as a shortened version of simpleton, so the phrase’s original meaning is rooted in calling someone stupid. The dictionary lists its first known usage as 1946, though it appeared in The New York Times as early as 1923. The most recent entry in the dictionary dates to the 2000 novel “My Once Upon a Time,” by the British novelist Diran Adebayo, where “simp” appears twice in the first 20 pages. In the early 2010s, the word, still used with some regularity by rappers, was seized upon by members of the nascent “manosphere,” the world of men’s rights activism. Simp became a staple of men’s rights forums, where feminism is derided as weakening men — just waiting for an enterprising TikToker to dust it off and give it a new sheen. The word’s current definition isn’t too far from Too Short’s. It’s a person, often a man, who throws money or attention at someone else, often a woman, in order to win their affection. (It doesn’t work.) That usage only became popular on TikTok in 2019, and may have peaked thanks to a trope made popular by Marco Borghi, whose account, @polo.boyy, has more than 2 million followers on the platform. So, simping. Well, as I said before, I have a big suspicion that Brian is in fact a simp. Is this a good or a bad thing? Well - for me it's a good thing, of course, but it very much could cloud Brian's judgement. Perhaps it is the best if Brian is confronted of this issue and explained the dangers of simping.
The biggest question here is, is Brian capable of handling such a position? Brian previously was a senior moderator. Now, I have had some sits with Brian back him in the day. One time a specific known member of this community was basecamping on the Afghan map. This person shot me straight in the head on top of garage and spread my brains all over the garage yet again. I was deeply hurt from this situation, so I had to call upon God to come fix this. Instead of God, I got Brian, but that was good enough. Brian came into the sit and was laughing his ass off at the basecamper. Now, I was very annoyed that Brian was laughing about my unfortunate gunshot wound to the head. This was quite disrespectful and I was quick to point it out to him. Now my memory is foggy for what happened after this, but I believe this basecamper was warned for his terrible actions and sentenced to death by lethal poisoning, as it is illegal to kill e-girls.
Well, I may have ranted here a little bit. Brian requested for me to give him a good long feedback as I do for everyone else, specifying four pages of feedback. So, here we go with 4 pages, 2,035 words and 10,999 characters.
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